Newmans Own Dressing, Two Thousand Island
Ahoy natural. Has twice as many islands as any other brand! The Potent Potentate Sal-Had, the ancient Romanian Lettuce King, would lie flat on his back during Festivale, his belly button filled with Greens-Sauce, into which he would dip his Greens. Looking to enhance his Island's Greens-Sauce, he sent his Court Jester, Ding, who scoured 200 islands, by paddle; a berry here, a seed there, and later his son, Dong, scoured 800 islands by sail making a total of One Thousand Islands, whence came the name (you guessed it). Even later, last year actually, a lost nephew, Dandy, with twin 80hp Yamahas probed an additional one thousand islands and in a fit of philanthropic zeal gave the recipe to Newman's Own for one buck and a handful of change. We now give you this Ding Dong Dandy Salad Dressing.